March 22nd, 2012



I met Philia when she came to Philadelphia to visit her family, before her cancer came back. We met at a bookstore and I knew her right away. She gave me a million suggestions for reading, and we talked, Philia, Brian (my brother), and I, non-stop for a few hours. I walked out of that bookstore with an armful of books and a new friend.

A while later I had the opportunity to go to meet mwt at a signing in Boston near Philia's home. Filled with excitement, I drove up to meet her again, and Guin, and whatever other fans of mwt showed up. Again, Philia and I connected, and Guin too, as well. The only problem is, I am very very shy, although no one really sees that much. Maybe shy is not the word. Perhaps reserved is the word. I am not a huge hugger, although lately I have wanted to hug Philia with all my heart. But my point is, I didn't really keep up with Philia the way, say, Guin or Em have, or even others of you who have not even met her in person. I just sometimes feel I am, I dunno, maybe intrusive? Or something? Maybe I like other people more than they like me? I don't know. All I know is it's too late now, and I am filled with regret and deep sadness. She was such a brilliant person, and so special. My heart breaks for Dr C and Wildcat.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad